The fog of life.

So, yesterday my doctor moved my Seroquel up even further. So, today I feel tired and dopey. I have a headache coming on. Even with that, I managed to write and I'm up to the middle of page 184. The writing is hard right now, even without the extra sedation.

I'm going to bed till I have to get up and go to work. If I had a choice about it, I'd be staying home from work.

Relapse of depression and recovery (for now)

I've recovered from a slow slide. I realized by Saturday night that my depression had reoccurred. Sunday I had to go to work and it was a miserable day for me. I was writing very depressing reminiscences my journal. I was writing things like my life was already a total loss. Plus, I was trying to talk to my dead nephew. Not that I had a hallucination that he was there, but I was willfully trying to put him there to talk to. I was tearing up, and I even checked on the knives.

Meanwhile, I was failing to get anything done. The writing habits were gone. The place was looking like a crack house. Caffeine was getting me through the day. I was spending a lot of time in bed too exhausted to do anything but unable to really nap. And I was doing impulsive things.

I had already decided to call my psychiatrist in the morning for an emergency appointment. It was apparent my current meds were ceasing to have their effects. Last night, though, I decided to raise my dose of Seroquel by 50 mg.

That stuff is electro-convulsive therapy in a bottle! Ka-Blam! Forget about calling my shrink first thing in the morning. I went to bed at one and with two alarms, I couldn't get up for anything. In an earthquake I'd be crushed. In a fire I'd be ashes. That stuff sedates you like nothing else. It's extremely effective immediately, too. When I finally got up at noon, and life was good again. I immediately began to do things I previously couldn't get done.

Now, I did call my psych, and made an appointment for Wednesday, and made appointments for other medical problems I've been neglecting. I finished my appeal to my prescription drug company, I did exercise and I look forward to work and the morning tomorrow, and to work, strangely enough.

It's sunny and warm outside. Things are thawing, finally. I still have congestion, and I'm going to see an E, N & T doctor about that.

Back into it.

Recovering my physical health, I finally remembered that I'm a novel writer, and therefore insane. So, instead of doing anything common sense, I got up and wrote for an hour first. I broke through the blocks, and I'm up to the middle of page 182. My energy has been so low, lately. I'm already tired. I'm going to lay down, have some tea, and then get ready for work. It's embarrassing how little I get done in a day now.

Sorry to disappear

I was sick with a heavy cold for two weeks. In my spare time, I had no energy. My work time was hell. I'm not able to take a sick day at work. So, I took the sick time in my days off.

I then immediately had computer problems. It was something minor, but any minor thing with a computer could take 5 minutes or 5 days, depending on if you have the right intuition. Unless you've studied up to a degree.

As a result, very little writing was done. More later, I'm at work. Will write more tonight or tomorrow.

Sick, again.

A few days ago I felt this terrible fatigue. Wondered what had I done. Was I suffering a caffeine downer. (With taking No Doz, 400 mg a day is awfully high.)

When I got home from work, I fell into bed and slept for 12 hours. The sleep was very dream heavy. I remember waking up and feeling my heart pound hard. I wondered if I should check my blood pressure. The next day, I woke up congested. Today, I feel very congested. Being on final warning, I can't miss a day of work. So, I'm going in today, even though I hardly have a voice. However, I'm waiting for the decongestant to do it's work.

Of course in this state, no writing has been done. I did get it outlined last night. I have a day off tomorrow, and I know I'm going to hit it hard.

It is so friggin cold outside. I read the news about Global Warming. I could see in other ways that it's happening. Winter used to hit in late November. Now the coldest months start in January rather than December. There's no snow. When I was a child, snow would make it bearable, but I have been hiding inside waiting for the freeze to begin to retreat. I could just bundle up against it, I guess.

Blocked and Revising

My progress over the last week had been negligible, mostly because of health problems at the end of my vacation and then being disorganized when I went back to work. Finally, I'm getting up earlier to get things done. Today, though, I feel very tired. I did get up to write, but I've neglected just about everything else.

So, I'm on the top of page 180. Today, I got up early and began to work. Unfortunately, I ran straight into writers' block. I looked at my outline, and I had doubts. There was something wrong with the structure, which worked in the script but did not quite work as a novel. The relationship between the protagonist and his principle romantic interest needed to be intensified and blended more tightly into the plot. For other scenes, I needed further thinking on exactly the way they functioned in the plot.

So, I've been thinking hard on structure and character and I've been making notes.

That has been taking much longer and has been to the inattention to other vital things. I'm going to get some rest now and maybe actually start my life again.

Blocked and Revising

My progress over the last week had been negligible, mostly because of health problems at the end of my vacation and then being disorganized when I went back to work. Finally, I'm getting up earlier to get things done. Today, though, I feel very tired. I did get up to write, but I've neglected just about everything else.

So, I'm on the top of page 180. Today, I got up early and began to work. Unfortunately, I ran straight into writers' block. I looked at my outline, and I had doubts. There was something wrong with the structure, which worked in the script but did not quite work as a novel. The relationship between the protagonist and his principle romantic interest needed to be intensified and blended more tightly into the plot. For other scenes, I needed further thinking on exactly the way they functioned in the plot.

So, I've been thinking hard on structure and character and I've been making notes.

That has been taking much longer and has been to the inattention to other vital things. I'm going to get some rest now and maybe actually start my life again.

Blocked and Revising

My progress over the last week had been negligible, mostly because of health problems at the end of my vacation and then being disorganized when I went back to work. Finally, I'm getting up earlier to get things done. Today, though, I feel very tired. I did get up to write, but I've neglected just about everything else.

So, I'm on the top of page 180. Today, I got up early and began to work. Unfortunately, I ran straight into writers' block. I looked at my outline, and I had doubts. There was something wrong with the structure, which worked in the script but did not quite work as a novel. The relationship between the protagonist and his principle romantic interest needed to be intensified and blended more tightly into the plot. For other scenes, I needed further thinking on exactly the way they functioned in the plot.

So, I've been thinking hard on structure and character and I've been making notes.

That has been taking much longer and has been to the inattention to other vital things. I'm going to get some rest now and maybe actually start my life again.